The Daily Bale brings you exclusively the Proof that Elvis Presley is alive and very well.
Elvis Presley, 79, told our reporter,
“i just needed to get away, it was becoming all too much back then in 1977.
i love my fans, and i love America, but if i was to live out my life with any kind of retirement from the Music industry and those who constantly pestered me to do more, then i knew i had to get away entirely.
Yeah, i know sir, it was drastic the steps i took, but you gotta understand, i was tired, ya know, just too goddamn tired.
just let everybody know i love em all, but i can’t come back now, i’m just too old now damn it.
please just tell everybody i am a thinking of em, and i love them all dearly, and i hope they get that goddamn Ebola thing cleared up soon now, goddamn worrying, yes siree.
now i don’t want to say anymore sir, leave me in peace now please.
oh, by the way, love what you guys are doing on the Daily Bale, i got that internet connection up here, like to keep up with what’s going on in the world, love reading your articles on that there Bale, yes sir i do”
Our reporter thanked Elvis and did as Elvis requested and left him alone and got back in the car, but we had been searching for a long time for this moment.
We received a tip off last year about where Elvis was, and our team set out to find him.
Through clever investigative work, and a lot of travelling, we found him.
We did take some pictures, and had a good look round, but the area is very remote and not much there at all.
We are keeping the location secret out of respect to Elvis himself.
We were approached by one local resident who saw us up on Elvis’s land.
They asked us if we were reporters, and we said we were reporters yes.
They asked us if we were anything to do with the Left Wing, or if we were left wing politically correct weirdos ?
We told the resident that we certainly were not left wing sickos or weirdos, and that we were with
the ‘Daily Bale’
The local resident asked our reporter round to their house, and offered them tea and a hot meal.
Daily Bale reporter.