Mince pies, Christmas pudding and lots of sherry,
lets all be merry and drink plenty and not just a little sip,
three cheers, three cheers to Ukip Ukip Ukip.
Dreams of fun and Christmases gone by,
memories of innocence, laughter and joy,
without the disease of the left wing politically correct lie.
A time of year when people used to join in goodwill and love,
without the menace of the Politically Correct Left Wing iron fist and Marxist red glove.
Yet what can these evil twisted politically correct hypocrites ever know about the meaning of love ? These people who see themselves as the most moral and righteous, beyond and above.
Christmas used to be a time of cheer without misery or negativity or even a painful echo,
but alas, what do we have now ?
The evil voice of the left Wing politically correct weirdo, pervert and sicko.
Oh dear, oh dear, for the sake of our children what has it become ?
‘Twas the night before Christmas and Santa’s a wreck…
How to live in a world that’s politically correct?
His workers no longer would answer to “Elves”,
“Vertically Challenged” they were calling themselves.
And work conditions at the North Pole,
Were alleged by the union to stifle the soul.
Four reindeer had vanished, without much propriety,
Released to the wilds by the Humane Society.
And Equal Employment had made it quite clear,
That Santa had better not use just reindeer.
So Dancer and Donner, Comet and Cupid,
Were replaced with 4 pigs, and you know that looked stupid!
The runners had been removed from his sleigh;
The ruts were termed dangerous by health and safety.
And people had started to call for the cops,
When they heard sled noises on their roof-tops.
Second-hand smoke from his pipe…had his workers quite frightened.
His fur trimmed red suit was called “Unenlightened.”
And to show you the strangeness of life’s ebbs and flows,
Rudolf was suing for unauthorized use of his nose,
And had gone on Geraldo, in front of the nation,
Demanding millions in over-due compensation.
So, half of the reindeer were gone; and his wife,
Who suddenly said she’d enough of this life,
Joined a self-help group, packed, and left in a whiz,
Demanding from now on her title was Ms.
And as for the gifts, why, he’d ne’er had a notion,
That making a choice could cause so much commotion.
Nothing of leather, nothing of fur,
Which meant nothing for him. And nothing for her.
Nothing that might be construed to pollute.
Nothing to aim. Nothing to shoot.
Nothing that clamoured or made lots of noise.
Nothing for just girls. Or just for the boys.
Nothing that claimed to be gender specific.
Nothing that’s warlike or non-pacific.
No candy or sweets…they were bad for the tooth.
Nothing that seemed to embellish a truth.
And fairy tales, while not yet forbidden,
Were like Ken and Barbie, better off hidden.
For they raised the hackles of those psychological,
Who claimed the only good gift was one ecological.
No baseball, no football…someone could get hurt;
Besides, playing sports exposed kids to dirt.
Dolls were said to be sexist, and should be passe;
And Nintendo would rot your entire brain away.
So Santa just stood there, disheveled, perplexed;
He just could not figure out what to do next.
He tried to be merry, tried to be gay,
But you’ve got to be careful with that word today.
His sack was quite empty, limp to the ground;
Nothing fully acceptable was to be found.
Something special was needed, a gift that he might,
Give to all without angering the left wing who cause fright.
A gift that would satisfy, with no indecision,
Each group of people, every religion;
Every ethnicity, every hue,
Everyone, everywhere…even you.
So here is that gift, it’s price beyond worth…
“May you and your loved ones enjoy peace on Earth.”